" cause hopelessly, the hope is we have so much to feel good about" -OneRepublic

It has been 11 months since the day my world came close to crumbling down; 11 months since I discovered I had cancer; 11 months since I last made rounds in the hospital as a medical resident; 11 months for my life to undergo a complete "overhaul". Yes, it has been 11 long months....and I’m still alive :-)

Hurray, hurray! :)

But enough about me...

Just a few days ago I received news that an acquaintance of mine had been diagnosed with cancer... acute myeloid leukemia (AML) to be exact. If I'm not mistaken he is in his early 30's or late 20's. Yes, just like me, he's also a bit too young to be stricken with the Big C. when I found out, my jaw dropped and I became dumbstruck for a few seconds. The link to the first blog entry about his diagnosis was posted in FB and I was hesitant to open it, for fear of not knowing how to react when I’d read his story. But I clicked it anyway and my tears just began flowing non-stop upon reading the first words 'til even after I've read the entire post twice.  

It took me quite a while to compose myself. I cried so hard because somehow I was brought back to the time when I found out that I, myself, had cancer; back to that moment when my pathologist told me face to face that I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma (although it took me about 10 seconds to realize that HL was cancer... despite being a doctor); back to that unforgiving post-valentine’s day. And besides that, I was also transported back to the horrible chemotherapy days, the countless needle punctures, the notoriously painful bone marrow biopsies. 

I cried because I want NO ONE to ever go through all that....no one. 

But remarkably, after I gathered my emotions, I discovered an entirely new dimension to my story. I realized that my story does not end in being able to face cancer, hit it in the face, survive chemo and radiation and kick it in the a**. My story goes on with an amazing opportunity to be able to help this new cancer warrior... to really empathize in the truest sense of the word. to share with him everything that I’ve learned throughout this entire experience, from being able to find peace despite the never-ending "why’s" to knowing that garlic candy is a good way to curb nausea; to be able to constantly remind him that he shouldn't think of himself as being "sick" but just "resting and taking a break"; to encourage him to fight strong, because an army of prayer warriors are marching behind him every step of the way. 

My readers, if you have prayed for me, please also pray for my friend. His name is Lito and his fight has just begun. I am also aware that he has a rare blood type. I’m still not sure if they still need donors at this time, but if you know anyone who is a type O- (O negative) please let me know. 

this pretty photo of me(*ahem, hehe) was taken last MAY 2011,  3 months into my chemo...

Excerpt from my older post: After 3 sessions, running my fingers through my head was like harvesting rice in the field.  

to Lito: never worry about hair loss. .. i have plenty of wigs! :)

"i came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive....." ..... -rihanna

 "ooh la la"

"cancer sucks"

"meg"

"yay!  - meg"

our attempt on light painting using the famous "binggala" for the new year's....... :) 

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

"They tried to make me go to rehab, I said 'no, no, no' " ... - Amy Winehouse

june 2011 - Chammy's wedding

july 2011 - Lizette's wedding

november 2011 - Winah's wedding

december 2011 - Liz's wedding

In a span of 12 months,  I've attended four (4) of my friends' weddings and they all offer the promise of new life for the new couple... :) 

In a similar way, i welcome the new year with a new love for life...

so here's my version of a list of new year's resolutions:

1. complain less

2. say 'thank you' more often

3. laugh harder

4. regrets? forget it..

5. stop whining

6. always look at the good in people

7. confess more

8. apologize appropriately

9. expect nothing, give everything

10. smile

11. be open to suggestion

12. embrace change

13. inspire others more

14. erase indifference

15. enjoy every moment, you could die in an instant

16. savor the taste of everything u eat

and the list goes on... and on....

whats on YOUR list? :) 

"And so lying underneath those stormy skies, she'd say "oh ohohoh I know the sun must set to rise" -Coldplay

a letter for no one:

dear 2011,

the time has come for you to pass... but know that you will always be remembered. for you have brought more tears than any bucket can ever contain... more sorrow than a heart can ever hold. yet, you've created more promises than any1 can ever hope for. 

i wish i could say that you've been great, but that would not be true... for you have been a very long struggle... an extremely painful experience... an unforgettably tough companion. 

but i can never thank you enough for everything you so purposely planned... by being tough you've rendered me stronger. you've pushed me close to the edge of my sanity so i can truly say i'm sane enough to handle you.

 you've become my revelation. the instrument to make me realize that true friends are rare. 

2011, i say goodbye to you with a bit of sentimental nostalgia... 

and i greet 2012 hello with the promise of new LIFE. 

"I won't run, I won't fly, I will never make it by, without you" - David Guetta

a little backtrack from a few weeks past... i gate-crashed an incredibly fun party at my former workplace. although it was one of the earliest Christmas parties i had attended it exceeded all of my expectations. it immediately set the bar for my entire HOLIDAY party experience... 

but soon after though, more and more parties have far exceeded the craziness and sheer enjoyment of that night... and i will be posting pictures of the rest of these parties i attended/gat-crashed (who can tell the difference, anyway?) ... :) 

so keep posted!!

by the way, i'd like you all to meet my partner-in-crime / my very own macho dancer / my rock star / the reason for most of my RIDICULOUS LAUGHTERS ........... 

<3

"sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead....." - Adele

if only my tears could drown away all my fears and disappointments... id be willing to cry an entire ocean. 

don't get me wrong, I AM HAPPY. i am blessed to be alive for Christmas... and i have more than enough reasons to be festive and joyful. i do thank GOD with my utmost sincerity, for giving me the chance to celebrate this season with JOY and EXCITEMENT, that despite the horrible ordeal i went through for most of this year; despite the unforgettable horrors of chemotherapy and the unforgiving burns of radiation, Christmas arrived with great gifts : LIFE and LOVE. 

but tonight i cried.... for reasons that i prefer to keep to myself. i am still in constant quest for peace, that transcends all understanding. i am consumed by unmet expectations, never ending frustrations and an unrealistic lack of patience. tonight i forgot how lucky i am to still be alive. tonight i failed God.

indeed, if crying were an escape to all of life's problems, we'd be drowning in tears. and what an exhausting escape it would be! fortunately, a simple prayer and a little faith provides more than just a way out... they offer comfort, shelter and peace. it's all a matter of remembering which ones to use.... exhaustion through tears or freedom through prayer. 

so tonight i cried . . . but only for a little while. . . then i started to pray . . .  for quite a long time. . . 

choose wisely, save ur tears.

happy holidays!

"I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see ..." - Kings of Leon

Another entire month of radio-silence, of which i'm not very proud of. I feel like i've betrayed my blog for not paying attention to it for a long time. the reason for my  lack of entries is plainly inexcusable, hence im not going to let u in on it. :P or maybe i will. Nevertheless, i feel like my absence has not been blatantly obvious because only a very few people read my rants...err.. posts. hehe. still, despite my small audience i feel obliged to say 'im sorry' for simply being lazy. lol.

so what have i been up to these days? what's a post-chemo, post-radiotherapy HL patient / doctor doing besides getting better? a whole lot of things! 

first, i've been keeping up with my Toastmasters stint. second, i've mastered the art of making lectures in Microsoft Powerpoint about physiology and general medical conditions, because as hard as it may seem to believe, i have entered the academe. yes, i am currently a post-chemo, post-radiotherapy HL patient / doctor / toastmaster / teacher! beat that. heheheheheheheh 

kidding aside, i have indeed committed myself to one of my life's goals: to teach. but i have very little patience for noisy, uninterested kids so i decided to teach young adults...more specifically college students :) teaching is not an easy thing, i tell you. you have to constantly reassure yourself that you know exactly what you are talking about. a bluff will always be a bluff and no poker face can hide it inside the classroom. :) but it's a great feeling to be able to impart knowledge and re-learn it all again. i suggest you try it, in any way you can! :p

 but on an entirely different note, our Toastmaster's club recently had its charter presentation. it was a night of good looks, good food, and good company. these are some of the photos from that amazing night:

no black and white photos for now.... :)