October 19, 2012

"you show the lights that stop me turn to stone..." - Ellie Goulding

what's your greatest fear? .....

geesh... if i were asked that question, i'd be out of words. It's not that i don't fear anything, it's just that sorting my fears and choosing one to label as "greatest" requires much thought and analysis. as u may already have figured out, i am a very analytical person... so i burden myself to think with even the most 'non-analytical' questions.

this particular question was inspired by the latest literary piece (errrrrr.... book) i am reading entitled The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. A specific part of the book caught my attention and i quote

"There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was a time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that's what everyone else does."
                                                               Hazel, in The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

If oblivion is your fear, that's the most perfect counter to that fear. I know many of us have petty fears but maybe in the back of our minds we do fear of completely being forgotten...

it's been more than a week and im still halfway done with the book.. (since i am reading it intentionally SSSLLOOOWWW because i love it sooo much i don't want the story to end right away... hehe)
so right now i guess my greatest fear is reading the last page of the book...
i know, it's pretty lame... but after much thought and analysis, that is pretty much my greatest fear for the moment.

i don't know with you, but i tend not to trouble myself with fears ... i know they're somewhere in my mind, lurking, always ready to show itself thereby keeping me from living life. . . but i try to keep my fears at bay. when a ladder blocks my path, i climb it, i am not afraid of falling down one step, instead i am eager to climb another. :)

so, what's your greatest fear?  


October 15, 2012

"As we sit alone, I know someday we must go..." - Pearl Jam

no, i have not died yet, in case you were wondering. i have been on a pretty long hiatus from blogging but not on living life. but yes, i could die any time, perhaps soon, and then maybe not so soon. we don't know. but we do know that LIFE IS SHORT. however you define "short". it can never be forever. 

i am currently reading a book entitled "The Fault in our Stars" and it's one of the best books i've read so far. :) but i'll tell you more about it later. 

for now, i'm going to give you a sneak-peek on my whereabouts for the past few months. the reason why i haven't been writing is because i've been travelling and i guess i suck at making this a travel blog because i can't write while i travel. that sucks too, i guess i better learn more about that... 

i've actually posted these pics on facebook but not here... so here it goes :) 


It's been 20 months since I discovered I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and LIFE has never been the same since.

When something as big as cancer hits you, your entire perspective about LIFE changes. 

Inspired by the places I have visited since i was declared cancer-free early this year, I have arrived at some REALIZATIONS based on the undeniable fact that LIFE IS INDEED VERY SHORT.

These realizations are posted as captions of some of my favorite captured moments throughout the whole year. ENJOY!

Life is short... so SOAR high! 
(Taken at Tagaytay. January 2012)

Life is short... so SPEAK kindly... 
(taken at a Toastmasters National Convention, Samal Is, Davao. April 2012)

 Life is short... so bid the past FAREWELL but leave a noble mark. 
(taken at White Island, Camiguin. August 2012)

 Life is short... so BE A SHOULDER to lean on. 
(taken at Butterfly Sanctuary, Davao City. August 2012)

 Life is short... so BE HUMBLE 
(taken in Oslob, Cebu. August 2012)

 Life is short... so live it in FULL COLOR! 
(Taken atTumalog Water Falls, Oslob Cebu City. August 2012)

 Life is short... so maintain BALANCE in everything you do. 
(Taken in Siargao, Camiguin and Malitbog)

Life is short.... so LET GO of all the pain...... 
(Taken at Danasan Eco Adventure Park, Danao City. August 2012)

 Life is short... so HOLD ON TIGHT to your loved ones. 
(taken at the Waterfalls, Danasan, Danao. August 2012)

Life is short... so LIGHTEN up your heart! 
(taken at Lake, Camotes Island. August 2012) 

Life is short.... so TAME the WAVES of your emotions. 
(taken at Cloud 9, Gen. Luna, Siargao. September 2012)

 Life is short... so make a SPLASHING impact on people's lives. 
(Taken at Splash Island, BiƱan Laguna. January 2012)

 Life is short.... so FOCUS on what truly matters ;-)
(taken at RAPSACC Shooting range, Cabadbaran, Mindanao. September 2012)

Life is short.... so understand that reality BITES!! - 
(with Lolong, the world's largest crocodile in captivity — at Bunawan, Agusan del Sur. September 2012)

 Life is short... so pause, think and process.... :p 
(Taken at San Antonio de Padua, Silang, Cavite City. January 2012)

 Life is short... so CAPTURE each moment with love.
(Taken at Small Lagoon El Nido ,Palawan. March 2012)

 Life is short... so RELEASE your worries! 
(taken at Secret Lagoon, Palawan. March 2012)

 Life is short... so STAND tall.
 (Taken from my hotel window in Hongkong. May 2012)

 Life is short... so FALL in sweet surrender! 
(taken at EAT Danao, Bohol. May 2012)

Life is short... so use your IMAGINATION wisely.
(Taken at the Pantalan, Malitbog, Southern Leyte. May 2012)

Life is short... so take a LEAP of faith!
(Taken at Malitbog Southern Leyte. May 2012 )

Life is short... so SMILE! 
(Taken at  Princess' dance recital , Fernan Hall, Lahug. )

Life is short.... so ENJOY THE RIDE!! 
(with my partner in crime riding a motorbike around Cabadbaran. September 2012)

 Yep, i've been to a lot of places in a span of 9 months. I was lucky enough to be able to get back to work and earn enough for travel. Work is flexible as I've been doing clinics so I can always take a vacay for a few days and then work again. (more days working than going around, i promise!) hehehhe

This has been a very very very long entry. I do hope you get my point in those pictures.

LIVE. :)

June 8, 2012

"and just like them old stars, I see that you've come so far..." -Jason Mraz

 my new horizon

(written June 7, 2012)

Yesterday the planet Venus traversed between the earth and our Sun.
I bet it didn’t matter to you.

I am not currently venturing into the world of astronomy if that’s what you’re thinking. Well, not yet anyway. But a quick update on my most recent life: I am currently tens of kilometres away from home. Being the ‘wanderlust’ that I am, moving was a quick decision; perhaps too quick. It had only been 3 days and I’m melting away in tears. I’ve never known the feeling of being homesick until now and i wish i didn’t have to know. It’s a sad, heart-crushing, lonely feeling forcing me to fake a smile.

So when i saw on the news that Venus was traversing... i smiled a real smile for the first time in days. Somehow I felt closer to home. I knew that wherever i was, the Sun will have the same spot as it will have back home when Venus does traverse. I knew that no matter how far my most recent life has brought me, home, love and the previous life are lit by the same Sun, traversed by the same Venus. And that somehow, they didn’t seem too far.

So, yesterday the planet Venus traversed between the earth and our Sun.
And it mattered A LOT to me. 


May 10, 2012

"lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones. and i will try to fix you. " .... -Coldplay

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more grey" 
This was a quote from the movie Shawshank Redemption and I thank my friend, Princess for sharing it to me this morning. 

Have you ever come to a point in your life when you just asked yourself "Is this all there is?" "Isn't there more to life than this?" It's funny how we are in constant search for whatever we are searching yet not really knowing why we searched for it to begin with. 
I have been out of town to 7 different places in less than 5 months and my heart still yearns for more. Contentment. Often very hard to acquire, yet all too easy to falter at. I just came back from a trip to a very busy city and all i could think of was where to go next, what to do next, what to feel next, like life is never enough, love is never enough, joy is never enough.
I woke up after a day in that buzzing city and it was amidst the skyscrapers that i realized how wrong i have been. 
A hawk greeted me and all i could say was 'are u an eagle?' .... you always want what isn't there... but that day i realized that contentment is hapiness... coz sometimes, a hawk is a hawk... no matter how many times u wish it was an eagle... :)

Whatever it is that we are longing for, searching for, yearning for, let's pause, process and remind ourselves this: GOD is enough. In fact, He's MORE than enough. We do not deserve His grace but He gave it to us freely and without hesitation. 

April 19, 2012

"Hey I heard you were a wild one...." -Flo Rida

if you count the years that i've learned how to read, a greater number of those years were spent hating reading. back in the days i cringe at the idea of putting "READING"  under "hobbies" on those famous autographs my friends and i used to go crazy over. i was never a reader. but somehow today, i wish i were. 
when i got into medschool, reading was forced into my system, it was imposed on me like sunscreen on a hot summer day. i was left with no choice, but to develop the habit of reading. and im glad i did.
today i wish i had been reading more as a child, so that my vocabulary would have been wider. 
my point here is not about reading per se, its about the complexity of things that i want to say / write but couldn't put into writing because i would easily be at a loss for words. 
but if i had been reading more, then i would know all the right words to say, perhaps, definitely, maybe. but nobody ever knows the right words...

but im not making sense now.... so im going to stop for a while, reconstruct my thoughts... and maybe on the next entry i can slowly start to write what my mind wants me to write.

the photo above was taken by me a few years back while i was riding the "Flying Fiesta" in one of the amusement parks in Luzon where you get to sit down on one of those hanging chairs and as the machine turns faster you are being thrown further away from the center. Life is often like the ""Flying Fiesta".... the faster you go, the further you get from what really matters...


April 7, 2012

"I was living for a dream, loving for a moment; Taking on the world, that was just my style." -Survivor

It was in the middle of my radiation therapy last year when it all stared. I was bored out of my wits and was out of the chemo rut when my wonderful elder sister invited me one night to attend a "Toastmasters" meeting as a guest and see what this organization is all about. I went and decided to join the club.  

Seeing it all back, i believe it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. :)

I've been a member for almost 5 months now and I have not only established new friendship but have also learned numerous things about other members. Things which do not only belong to my memory but are also applicable to how I live and perceive life. The club has taught me to never stop believing in positive things. Every club meeting is a positive experience in itself. Whether one is delivering a speech, evaluating it or simply being a grammarian, excitement fills the air more so than nervousness.

Public speaking is probably one's worst nightmare. It is a challenge never dared by many. Certainly, one would rather choose to "die" than speak in public. But the fear of public speaking is similar to the fear of drowning when one does not know how to swim. It can never be overcome unless you choose to learn.
i made a choice and look at what it has brought me:

with D75 Gov Vic Navales

the champs. ahem

with our mentor, Nic2x (far left)


April 3, 2012

"in the night, the stormy night, away she'd fly and dreams of para...para...PARADISE!" - Coldplay

It all started as a crazy idea no one knew was possible. Two friends exchanging messages on SMS feeling bored about the “routine” that is their lives. We both needed a “breather”... and what better way to get it than a short plane ride and a change of venue.
Destination::: Palawan.
 Will we ever get there? We found it impossible to believe at first. But the first step which showed determination and commitment was buying airline tickets, non-refundable, non-transferrable! haha   What we needed was an itinerary. Being fond of travelling, I happily volunteered to arrange our trip from shuttle transfers to hotel accommodation to island hopping tours. A month and a few days after, we were on a plane Palawan-bound! An hour after, we landed at the beautiful place we call “Almost Paradise”.

the hidden lagoon

My life has been a smorgasbord of events, filled with all kinds of flavours; sweet, salty, sour, and sometimes all bitter. Travelling gives me a great  sense of satiety that i wouldn’t even care if my accommodation is good, if the ride is okay or if the food is affordable. The mere experience of travelling fills me up like a whole bucket of fried chicken; sarap to the bones!  Perhaps it is the anticipation of getting somewhere that perks me up, that wonderful feeling of “expecting for the unknown”.

El Nido could be my home. I could live there. I found peace and serenity when i woke up the next day after a whole day’s travel and this was what greeted me:

I believe that the World, despite the ease and convenience technology has offered to make it seem small, is STILL a very BIG place. And i believe that life is too short to be lived by “routines”. I’m going to devote my time to travel, explore, see the world. I’ll drag my feet anywhere that my heart desires. Would you like to come?


April 2, 2012

"You're holding her hand, you're straining for words. You're trying to make sense of it all." - Casting Crowns

 chilling after a class :)

I’d be lying if i told you that nothing has happened in my life significant enough to be put in words. To tell you frankly, a gazillion things have transpired and i have no idea where to begin. Happiness has filled my days and melancholy has left my system. I will attempt to recall everything chronologically but in separate blog entries so as to maintain some order but if you get lost along my narration just bear with me.

I never meant to abandon my blog, but i do feel guilty for merely using it last year to fill up my time while being on house-arrest. This blog has been a big part of my “coping” experience and i got more determined to write when i learned that somehow i was inspiring others. 

So now it burdens me to think that not only have i abandoned my blog, i have also left my readers hanging. I don’t expect you to be checking the blog regularly but i would like to believe that perhaps just one person might be needing a little inspiration and the un-updated blog has failed to provide it.

So, it’s make-up time. 

My 5-month teaching stint has ended about 2 weeks ago with the FINAL exams. Its amazing how incredibly fast time flies. The experience has allowed me to develop my skills in speaking. I never knew i would have the patience to be talking in front of more than 50 students DAILY for an hour and still come out of it sane and calm. I thought i would morph into the “teachers” i’ve known before; snobbish, grumpy and a migraineur. On the contrary, i am proud to proclaim that i have come out of it a better speaker, a better listener and one with a fulfilled heart. Perhaps a contributing factor is my strong desire to “TEACH”...  so like i’ve said before in a previous post and what i usually say to my colleagues and fellow doctors, if you have the opportunity to teach, grab it! It will surprise you in more ways than one. Trust me.


more stories to come sooooon.... 

and here's a sneak preview:

little woman conquers big crowd ... heheheh

because the WORLD is still a very BIG place!